Art, the most unfamiliar subject in Vietnam, from literature to music, to painting. Since very few proportion of Vietnamese are art pursuer, whoever talented in art gains significant attention from the public. This happens to be true,especially during the Vietnam war and during the 1980 - 1990. Those times become springs for art, during which art blossomed. However, move forward to 21th century, genZ witnesses the boom in art industries, especially music. But then, since it becomes so common, its values are fading. Until it reaches a point, where art is just the static name: a product of which the people are the consumers.

Art was never part of my memories, not a single role in my life. Maybe like chill but that is it. That explain why most of the books I read as a kid is because my mom forced me to. I was never into books or painting or any of such things. For me, it was just a errand or a habit that any parents thinks that it is good and try to force their kids to do. But still, art and I never in a fight or hatred, only a slight annoyance; still, I was a good kid so I still follow along my mom to do those art even though it makes no impact on me. But then schooltime came, art formed into a subject I hated, for its meaningless application and purpose. Moreover, I was never expected myself to pursue in art -so do all of my friends and literally everyone around me; I hated it for its confusing details; I hated it because thanks to it, I got low grades which I believe I do not deserve. I hated it for it paradoxical for when a “your”-opinions question comes up and I wrote them down, the teacher grades it and even criticize it; Really?! It is as if the teacher misprint the word “your” for “the teacher’s”. Before I know, art is out of my sight. Gone.

But then, years pass by, I am in high school now. Still in school yet I am in a worse situation: I have to fight my illness with a strict treatment - the treatment, which put me in struggles. Like a lost fish, I was drown in the real world and in my own world as well. Trap in solitude, I become my worst enemies, my worst fear. People always say they love themself. But trust me, when you are alone, facing directly with yourself, all the problems of your will lie in front of you like when opening an old box seeing a tons of mouses and you will be so frighten. All the dismay, the self-rotten thoughts and feelings will hunt for you, making you sleepless, your mind will ever rest, it will think and think, regret and regret, upset and upset, haunt you till you fall asleep and come back right when you wake up. It was exhausting, days after days. Alone in my world, I need something to heal me. So I look up. I first try to walk, walking around the block or maybe around a lake, contemplating the surroundings. Then comes the talking. As the thoughts rush to my mind while I walking, I response. A conversation where the listener is the one talking. Then naturally, I come to books and writing. For me, they serve as a walk: a way to scruntinize and reflecting myself. Then we start to be friends: art and I. For now, in my mind, art becomes a different person, through which I learn about myself and the world. A song from Trinh Cong Son, a famous musicist in Vietnam, about his own fear of death: Cat Bui (Dust) mark my new realization for art. A song about death, I mean, sounds pretty dreadful. But then listening to it, it is not death that I see but a man who try to fight his feelings, the same way as I do: pouring himself in art. From thoughts to feelings to emotions. Now art shows me the inner of myself. The more understand myself, the more calm and stable I become. But that does not mean I become a rock. NO. I become me without the fear of my strange self, the confusion of my emotions, my feelings, my thoughts, of what I want and who I am. Then slowly and steady, listening to music, reading book, writing become not only my habit but my food, the food that heal and enrich the mind, heart and soul.

We, as Gen Z, are becoming lonelier than ever according to science. But heck, why don’t we take it as chance to take get yourself out of this fast-pace world and spend some quality times enjoying, reflecting ourself. And art might be the way for us, learning to enjoy is like learning to enjoy a cup of tea: slowly, but impactful. Only then do we get a better understanding of ourself so that later when we dive in the world, we will not be dissolved.

The nature seems to be so intense these recent days. The sound of the cicada hiding behind the leaves is louder and louder, taking over the surroundings. The flowers of the vigorous flamboyant trees alongside the streets start to bloom, just like a vigorous firework with its redness. The sun now, like a hardworking person, wakes up earlier with its beautiful faint yellow sunshine and works its best a day before slowly resting behind the buildings. The hotness from the sun also becomes so significant these days: around noon, after absorbing all the heat, the road turns into a pan and the people moving on it now look like shrimps; but then after someday, the shrimps will finally earn what they need: rain, heavyweight ones with thunders and lightnings. All of these could only be one “symptom”: summer.

Yes. Summer. A not cool season for adults but it is the best season of the year for the kids. I am no exception. Up until 9th grade, summer was always my favorite time of the year. I was able to put my mind into the things I liked to do without all the worries of school: to go out, to explore, to travel and to make friends. Basically, I was a butterfly and summer is my time to break out of the cocoon. Whenever I think of the past, summertime is always the main part; I even believe that I learned more in just 3 months of summer than in 9 months of schools.

But then, high school comes, carrying my hopes and expectations for it to be the best three years of my life, especially during summers. But here I am living in the moment, in the last summer of my high school, feeling completely lost.

You can feel lonely and surrounded at the same time. With the rise of social media, you have a society within just a small device; you are surrounded, are heard, are seen. Social media basically defines your definition of existence. However, with so many voice, social media is too crowded for one’s voice to be significant. Social media is just a temporary healing since later it could be a poison to your “I”. You can text your friends and have a fun time with them, but then all of a sudden, just when you guys stop chatting, you feel empty, lonely and somewhat frustration. You could cry; you could feel guilty for whatever you done; you could feel clueless about the the world; Worst, you could feel that the road ahead of you is a dead end.

No longer ignorants, we are acknowledging the world better than ever, our abilities are unlimited, but since we are so young, our understanding of ourself is vague,at least that is what I feel, which may explain for the insecurity and inconfidence. Therefore, as teenage, we should be able to defined ourself on our own. But to do such thing is no easy. For some, the chance to find out their “I” could be like a piece of cake. However, for most, it is not. For me, the knot is even tighter, trust me when I say it is much tight than normal. What surprise me even more is the things that hinder, challenge me the most: my self and my emotions. This blog is not only to record my journey, both its up and down side, but also myself and my emotions.

P/s: Yes a dude can have his feelings.